So I'm back! I have given up on wordpress, it became complicated. And I need simple in my life right now.
I haven't been blogging at all.. therefore, where are my emotions going?? Since hardly anyone knows this blog exists, I figured this is a good place to store my emotions. Nothing bad, since, really... my life isn't bad (in the grand scheme of things anyhow), I just get frustrated a lot and I don't know how to express my feelings or where to express them. So here I am. Expressing.
I get scared. A lot. I'm not going to hide that fact or lie about it. I try to hide how scared I really am from R most of the time, but seriously, this stuff is HARD. I know he knows this, but I'm not sure how much he really gets it. So today he seemed a little distant... could be nothing at all, but I would like for him to talk to me about things. If he doesn't talk, this isn't going to work. I can't just be paranoid all the time. AND I have no way of getting a hold of him, so its not like I can pick up the phone and tell him to talk to me, or drive on over and see him. We need to make sure we have completely open communication. So thats what happened today, he seemed distant and now I'm sitting here afraid. Afraid he's feeling something that he isn't telling me about. I don't think I did anything... I've been positive and I'm happy. But a little reassurance would have been nice. I did ask him if anything was bothering him, he said no, he just missed me. And I believe him, its just he didn't sound very good. He said he wasn't sleeping very well... I just hope he knows he can tell me anything, I swear, I deal with the truth very well. It's the unknowing that I don't deal with well.
Anyway, this distance is incredibly hard and I can't wait for this part to be over. I hope so much every minute of everyday that it'll go by quickly and we can start to have a normal relationship.
*update* -- I worry for nothing. Most of the time, that is how it is.
I'm just always afraid. Of lots of things, not just this kinda stuff... spiders TERRIFY me.
Okay, well, thats that... until the next uneasy moment... and maybe an update of all the things that have gone weird in my life...
