Where'd ya go?

I'm right here guys:  www.surprisinglyupbeat.com


OR here... surprisinglyupbeat.etsy.com

OR here... instagram/surprisinglyupbeat

I hope to see you there too!

xo

It's time...

Although this blog site has done me well in the past and I thought I could have a fresh start here... I just can't; I need to move away from the complaining, anxiety-filled entries so I got to thinking... I need to move to a new location with a completely different feel to accomplish everything I want.  Happiness & creativity!

So this is it.  Good bye Blogger... Hello WordPress (again)!

If you are so inclined, you can catch me here:  Maria with Love...

xoxo



can't leave without a cute kitten <3>



Oh my adorable...

I'm loving this girls style... Thank you Who What Wear! 

The colar necklace - LOVE
The white and blue striped dress - LOVE
The coral skirt - LOVE

Love to. Love the bag, love the shoes, love everything, love to.

18 Things I Want...

First, I love my daily emails from The Universe... they are so funny/uplifting.  I'm going to start this post with my email I received today.  It really spoke to me today. 

Sometimes, Maria, if the direction you're about to move feels "right" in your head and heart, yet the first few steps look pretty daunting, not fun, and maybe even scary, you should take those first few steps anyway and get 'em over with.


And I'm not just saying that because watching you in action gives me goose bumps.
Oh... behave,

The Universe   Okay so now on to the juicy stuff...
I read that making a list of "18 things you want" is all the rage right now (says this blogger:  18 Things I Want), so why not jump on the band wagon and start my list!  Maybe this is a good kick start to brushing the old cobwebs off the ole blog and write and enjoy doing this again! 

I want.../I want to... (other #1, the rest is in no particular order)

1. my boyfriend to come home, safely
2. magically have my apartment unpack itself/furnish itself to my taste/paint itself -- i need a magic wand!
3. have macy's call me, instead of me having to call them, to have my sofa ordered/delivered
4. for the next 60ish days to fly by (for everyone else it seems to be going by quickly! no fair.)
5. be secure/not so afraid of everything/confident/not second guess everything
6. become more motivated
7. get back into 2009/10 shape (without having to suffer)
8. a new car/not deal with 10/405 traffic ever again (i suppose i could handle the traffic part pretty easily)
9. a vacation, and not just a vacation, i mean one to really write home about/travel more, a lot more
10. have a plan/be more organized
11. blog more, like i used to -- it was fun!
12. go back to school/finish what i start
13. for united to hire me full time
14. learn from my mistakes (with boyfriends & finances, mostly)
15. my parents to stay healthy
16. be grateful/happy with what i have/want less (kinda funny "want less" is on my list of "wants")
17. be understood (i feel misunderstood a lot, clearly this is a me thing, but i can't figure out how to fix this..yet!)
18. have fun with my friends & family a lot more than i do -- more fun probably tops this list

Life is good, life is great... don't get me wrong, but I suppose we could always want more, huh?  I guess I will try and focusing on wanting less & being grateful for what I have, because what I have is INCREDIBLE.

See ya soon :::heart:::

My life has been filled with misfortunes, most of which never happened*

"Tell everyone you know: "My happiness depends on me, so you're off the hook." And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they're doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel-and then, you'll love them all. Because the only reason you don't love them, is because you're using them as your excuse to not feel good." **

I'm really loving that quote above and since I found it, I have been reminding myself of it.  My happiness does depend on me no one else.  I've had issues with anger lately, so when I get upset I have been just remembering that its not worth it and I need to just be happy.  I don't want to use anyone for an excuse not to be happy.

Lots of reasons to be happy, too! 

Boy do I need to update more often!  I have so much swimming around in my mind, it would probably do me some good to get it out!  Free up some space!  :)


*Mark Twain
**Esther Hicks

Learning...

I'm so tired of things not going smoothly. *sigh I need to let it all go but I'm having a hard time. I am trying to control everything with all my might and then I get SO upset (angry most of the time) when things aren't going as I hoped or planned. This is happening in every aspect of my life... work, things with R, friends, family, etc. I know if I let go... things will fall into place just as they are supposed to. It's just hard, I'm such a stress ball lately! My emotions are just not in check. I don't know if its all the commuting and its making me overly tired & under stimulated? I don’t know, but I just can't seem to let go.


This weekend I'm going down to San Diego, I need this. I hope I come back a different person. I haven't had a lot of fun lately and all I do is worry and stress out about everything. I need a break. I need a long stretch without any issues or problems. I am having trouble with my positive thinking, so I will just breath & take it one step at a time; and let go...



I'm going to just keep trying...

"People inspire you, or they drain you -- pick them wisely."

What a month (almost 2!)!  I'm exhausted!  Being mostly unemployed for the past 9 months has made getting up early quite a challenge!  And this is by far the earliest I've ever woken up for a job!  I'm looking very forward to moving closer to work, the traffic has me getting up at 5:00am!  Eep! 

A few things, I've decided that this blog is MINE and I need to take it back.  I've been kinda holding back and the whole purpose of this is to make me feel better and less stressed, so here we go... a little catch up:

Things that bug me that I've decided to change today:

1)  I've been SO needy with R... I don't feel that bad about it, because him being gone is extremely hard on me and sometimes he needs that reminder or he'll just go about his business without even thinking of how I might feel.  So I don't feel bad voicing my needs, but lately I've been kinda hitting him hard.  I'm not really sure why, maybe I'm just feeling the distance right now.  Anyway, I am going to reel it in... he is a great boyfriend and he doesn't deserve as much as I've been dishing out to him. I love him very much.  He is literally the best person I know.  I can't wait for him to come home... we're going to have the best life.  {inspire}

2)  A.  I quit.  For reals this time; no more chances to be part of my life.  He has no respect for me, so whats the point?  We can't be friends, every conversation revolves around why I'm this and why I'm not that.  So I'm done, I like myself just fine and don't need to be torn down.  You know this doesnt even deserve a number. {drain}

2)  I have had so many invites to things and I've been turning everything down lately.  I don't know what has gotten into me, but I'm such a hermit.  I would like to stop that and just go do it all, get out of the house!  All I seem to do is work and go home.  It's not making for a very thrilling life, and it actually is making time drag and giving me too much time with idle hands.

2a)  This goes along with #2, but I need to start tonight with keeping myself very busy.  I have so many great projects and great things to do, but I seem to just keep putting them off.  I've been using my allergies and the traffic as excuses, but they are not good ones.  No excuses, I've just got to live life!!  I'm just wasting my time away...

3)  Attitude adjustment, immediately, please?  I don't really know what's up with me the past week... but I'm a mess. Anxiety, sadness, anger... sometimes all three at the same time. I can't seem to enjoy anything. I can try and blame it on PMS (TMI?), but I really don't know if thats what it is. My attitude sucks and I can't get out of this ridiculous rut. I'm trying to turn it around; but so far, it is just not happening.  What's scary is, I have been holding back my feelings a lot!  Yet, I've lashed out at everyone I care about... and people I don't care about.  It's just not good.  I don't know what I need to do to snap out of this.

Tonight I am going to try and make it to a Sand Walk; that way I can socialize and get exercise.  If I don't make it, then I will hit the gym.  I think the lack of exercise could have something to do with my attitude problem.  I'm just so unhappy and stressed out.  I can't even express what this distance is doing to me.  I will work through it, but wow, it is just getting harder.  Even though time is ticking away, he'll be home before I know it, its just getting harder.  It doesn't help that it feels like he doesn't have time for me sometimes... I'm being as strong and supportive as I can be; sometimes its just plain hard and I have a hard time dealing.  I am taking my feelings out in other unproductive ways, and that has got to stop. 

So today can be a better day, if I can let go...


*quote by Hans F Hansen -- its a good one, sir.